


dealing or lack thereof

by justanafterthought



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Oneshot, Thanksgiving, a bit of angst, originally titled "Dealing", this was originally posted on my main
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 17:48:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9335744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanafterthought/pseuds/justanafterthought
Summary: Prompt from anonymous: Imagine it's Stucky's first Thanksgiving after Steve saves Bucky from HYDRA and Bucky doesn't really remember much about his family but he remembers his mom smiling and always fixing his collar for him and he gets upset about not being able to spend another Thanksgiving with her.





	

**Author's Note:**

> (copied from my original work)
> 
> "Sorry if that mostly just dealt with Thanksgiving. I guess my writing hasn't been up to par lately. I'm sorry."

It wasn't long after the Winter Soldier seemed to just appear in Steve's apartment that Thanksgiving came around. Stark went all out on holidays, and had arranged a dinner at the tower. All of the Avengers were invited, and Sam, still warming up to the team, was invited along as well.

"We've already got one bird in the group, might as well add another," Stark had said to Sam after he'd given him the invitation. Sam simply took the invitation and flipped off as he turned to leave, causing Stark to chuckle behind him.

Even though the Winter Soldier had been back for several months, he was still reserved, cut off. He didn't remember much of anything; he knew Steve's name, knew Natasha vaguely, but he could hardly remember his family or his own name. He was simply referred to as "James" before he would attempt to call him "Bucky". He knew James needed to adjust to living in a different century: it took him years and he wasn't the one brainwashed. God only knew if  James could fully recover all of his memories. So when Stark inevitably invited Steve to Thanksgiving, he asked if James could come along as well.

"Maybe it'll warm him up to the team a little, you know?" Steve desperately tried to convince Stark, who simply folded his arms and gave Steve the "you're too cute when you talk about your boyfriend" look.

"He can come. Wouldn't want you to spend Thanksgiving without your boyfriend. And I'd have invited him anyways."

"You know he's not my boyfriend, he hardly knows his own name."

"He knows yours."

"That has nothing to do with this."

"Are you sure?" Steve gave him a quick glare, and Stark put his hands up in defeat. "I'll even act ... _polite_." He said the last word with pretend disgust before smiling and heading into the elevator.

Steve attempted to bring the subject up to James as easily as possible.

"Tony's invited us to Thanksgiving. Do you want to come?" James looked over at Steve from where he was sitting in the living room. He simply nodded in agreement before turning back to the window, aimlessly watching the people on the street below, a book left forgotten next to him. 

 

 

Thanksgiving went about as well with several super-soldier, spies, and gods in the room as possible. James had sat himself in the chair closest to the window, and both Steve and Natasha could tell that he was calculating an escape route in his head. 

Once the food had been brought to the table, plates were passed around, Thor filling his with as much food as he could. Luckily, Stark truly had pulled out all the stops, and the food seemed endless. Steve simply put a piece of turkey and green beans onto his plate, and picked his way slowly through it. James, while at first had simply stayed still while everyone got their food, now moved towards the turkey, and moved a piece onto his plate. He looked to Steve as if asking permission to eat, and he nodded. James took a bite, finishing his piece fast before moving another onto his plate.

Steve was surprised at how he  seemed to open up a bit. While he didn't speak, he seemed engaged in the conversation, laughing quietly whenever someone told a joke, or nodding "yes or "no" when a question was aimed at him. Steve only hoped that this was the start of him adjusting.

Once most of the food had been eaten, Stark pulled out wine and pumpkin and apple pie, passing around the glasses. Everyone took a bit of pie, as they all relaxed into a comfortable food-induced state.

"So Cap, this Thanksgiving live up to yours back in the 40s?" Steve took a sip of the wine, before setting it aside.

"Well, nothing here was really boiled, and it has flavor, so you know, that helps." Steve bit into his pie. "I remember Thanksgiving when I was a kid. My mom would make whatever we could afford, but she would always try to get a turkey for us, even if that meant that she had to take extra shifts at work." He smiled at the memory. Stark looked over at James.

"What about you? Nice Thanksgiving?" James shook his head "no", rocking back and forth a bit before he stood up and made his way to the hallway, Steve followed closely behind, a promise to return left on his lips.

"Are you okay?" Steve asked, simply wanting to comfort his friend but not quite sure how to go about doing so. James sat on the ground, leaning against the wall, wringing his hands in an attempt to keep moving.

"How do you deal?" Steve was taken aback by the gruff voice of his friend.

"Deal?"

"With the memories? With everything?" James looked up at Steve, his face pale.

"I'm not sure really," Steve said, making his way to sit down next to James. "I've got friends, my job. But I'm not sure if I'll ever fully adjust."

"I keep thinking of my mom Stevie. She'd always, you know, fix my collar, smiling this huge smile, and say 'Let's look out best for our guests'," James said, color returning to his cheeks. "And now-  I'll- I'll never spend another Thanksgiving with her. She's gone, and I'd never gotten the chance to spend much time with her once the war came up." James put his head into his hands, his knees pulled up to his chest. Steve moved an arm around him and was pleasantly surprised when he felt James place his head against his shoulder.

They both knew that dealing with it wasn't fully possible. Not belonging in present day, and no longer belonging to the past wasn't something they'd ever be able to fully adjust to. But together, just maybe, they could tolerate it together, even though things were never going to be perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> Go over to my main:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/users/jecroisentoi
> 
> Thanks,  
> Dorian  
> (My writing style has gotten a bit better since this. This was originally written in 2014.)


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